Who’s Left to Listen?
As 2014 gets under way, most of us could benefit by resolving to improve a skill that’s easy to overlook: listening. It’s not entirely the fault of our ears that our listening skills aren’t what they...
View ArticleStop Incriminating Yourself
Many comments and queries are tailor-made to inspire conflict. Uncle Billy goads you into a political argument that culminates with joint yelling. Your coworker shares a juicy piece of gossip about the...
View ArticleDon’t Answer That
Not all questions require—or even deserve—a response, but ignoring or deflecting questions is a skill that doesn’t come easy. We’re conditioned to answer questions, even when it would probably be much...
View ArticleSlow is Smooth
Years ago, a boss used to tell me “slow is smooth and smooth is fast.” Lately, I’ve been thinking about how much his concise logic applies to our communication today. In the long run, slow but...
View ArticleValentine’s Day Special
This year, dump the clichés and communicate a Valentine’s Day message that’s meaningful and real. If all is well with you and your Valentine, think of a legitimate compliment that you can give the...
View ArticleKiller Communication Paradox
Communication suffers from this harmful paradox: the clearest signal we shouldn’t say something is usually an intense feeling that we should. Examples of this contradiction abound in our daily lives:...
View ArticleAll Chat and No Cattle
People have a remarkable ability to determine when you’re not really interested in what they want or what they think. That’s why self-serving conversations, like the one described below, often end...
View ArticleThe High Cost of Plugged Ears
During a break at a focus group session I was leading a few years ago, a manager came up to me and started talking excitedly. “Here’s what’s really going on here…” he said, as he began describing the...
View ArticleWhat Do You Think?
Twenty years ago, when I was a squad leader at West Point’s summer basic training, a new cadet had a mental breakdown, lost control, and yelled at the training cadre that we were all a bunch of jerks...
View ArticleSpringing a Conversational Leak
A few days ago, I went to the neighborhood service station I’ve used for years to get a leaky tire patched. While the tire was being fixed, I chatted at the front desk with one of the shop’s employees...
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